January 2012
6 posts
It's actually so sad to plan your own birthday...
fuck-zac:
But it’s sadder to know that if you don’t, no one else will and you’ll end up having the worst 18th birthday ever.
I kind of feel like crying tonight.
As much as I miss Zac all the time I’m away from him, I miss him so much more tonight. I feel like I need him here just so I can fall asleep. I want him to be cuddling me again and kissing me in the morning. I just feel really lonely tonight. I need him.
You spent all your children’s inheritance money from their mum on your own personal debts and costs. You then have no money saved to help buy your child a car. So your eldest saves her own money to buy herself a car, she manages to save a few thousand. Then she starts college and needs to pay some accommodation fees upfront, you still don’t have the money so she uses her own savings to...
I tried so hard. I was so excited.
Then to just be told everything I want is impossible. That tere is literally no hope for me to have the things I want. It’s your fucking duty to do these things. It’s your job to help me with these things. You’re supposed to be proud of these things that I do and the things I achieve and help me do better and go further. But you just say no. I can’t take it.
Not at all keen
So I turn 18 in like a month and a bit and I gotta say I’m not keen really much at all.
Like every other major event or holiday in my life, I’m going to gee myself up and get way excited hoping for some big surprise gift that I’ve wanted forever or a big party or something special to make it special. But that actually just won’t happen. Because it never does.
I only want...
There’s a lot more people following this blog now, it’s doubled in the past couple of days.
Weird, since I don’t even post anything good on here.
December 2011
14 posts
I’m actually so happy that I got to be with my brother and sister today. They still hate eachother and me, but I miss them. I haven’t lived with them for almost 2 years now and it’s nice to spend time with them. We had an alright day. And now we’re all sleeping under one roof for the next few nights and that makes me really happy that they’re just here with me and I...
Here's A Thought.
I feel like I’d actually be better off at the age of 17 to get pregnant and move to Melbourne. I seriously think that is a good idea haha yep I’m insane but being seen as a child and being hated by everyone here just sucks.
One Big Happy Family
It’s all I’ve ever wanted. I wanted a mum and a dad, brothers and sisters, all living together and getting along. I lost the mum, so I tried the dad. But it just hurt, emotionally and physically. It hurt to be there, and it hurt to leave. Now my sister has done the same. Depending on where she moves to, hopefully she’ll be part of a big happy family soon enough. It won’t be...
I'm not gonna lie.
I actually fucking hate you more than anything and I always will. Stupid fat ugly bitch. Yep, I’m not a nice person.
Weird..
Lately I’ve been on the Facebook’s and just being the stalker I am and I keep getting the weirdest feeling. I’ll see someone’s pictures and I know their name and I know who they are and where they’re from, because I’ve met them. But looking at their face I think to myself “who are you?”. It’s like I met them in a dream or in another life and...
It's never going to be "my time"
I can smile all I want, I can earn as much money as I’m capable of and buy nice things. I can surround myself with beautiful people if I so choose. I can be outgoing and flirty and fun and confident just like you. But in the end I’m still just me and I’m never going to be as fortunate as you. Why can’t I just be you?
Wow
Some people really do have everything. Good looks, a stable and supportive family, enough money to have basically anything they want, an endless supply of friends who all fall immediately in love with them, a roof over their head at no cost to them and now……
I just don’t get it hey.
I actually feel sick to my stomach.
I’m meant to be calling my dad back and telling him my sister WILL NOT be going home tonight and will be going to counselling this week but it’s terrifying. He’s just going to yell at me and make me cry and make me feel guilty.
This actually fucking sucks.
Dad beats sister. Sister leaves home. Dad calls me to tell sister to go home. Yeah right! Sister doesn’t want to go home and somehow it’s all MY fault things are fucked up. It’s my fault for taking the chance and leaving when I had the opportunity that my sister now wants to leave. No, sir. It’s you, your shitty parenting and your abusive ways that make your children not...
My Aunty is crying.
That’s the worst fucking sight. It’s like seeing my own mum cry. She’s been like a mum to me since my own died and I’m pretty sure it’s because Christmas is falling apart. She can’t have her sisters around and her dad doesn’t want to be here either. It’s so upsetting I want to stay here for Christmas and be with her but I’m expected to be...
There's a total random in the living room..
And the room I’m sleeping in is like attached to the living room with no dividing wall so I’m chilling in bed on Tumblr feeling madly awkward. What do you do in these situations?
So the guy that just got here..
He’s not actually family, but he’s been friends with my grandparents for a really long time and I swear he used to be like an uncle to me and my siblings. And he just got here and didn’t even know who I was. That’s goddamn depressing what an ass.
Christmas
It’s coming up in about two weeks. That’ll be about 6 Christmases without my mum, just sleeping at my dad’s, opening crappy presents and having my dad stress out to get us to a lunch that’s just around the corner that doesn’t even have a designated time anyway. Then to pretend to be happy and cheerful around dad’s family when really they all hate me and I hate...
I have decided
This will now be my personal blog full of rants, lyrics, updates and anything else I wouldn’t put on my popular blog. I guess I probably will give up on this pretty soon and hardly post here at all but here we go. I’ve currently got 6 followers so hey guys, feel free to promo me if you wanna.